the fear.

this fear.
it haunts me everyday, every hour, every minute, every second...every living moment.
it never escapes, i try to do things to distract myself from it to push it away the harder i push the further i go back, the further i go back, the more horrible the pain is, the more horrible the pain is, the more i get scared, the more i get scared, the more i get stressed, the more i get stressed, the more i get worried, the more i get worried, the more i just can't seem to understand.

i am living proof of the weaknesses of the human itself.
why does it never leave?
why does it never go away?
why does it make me weaker at the knees.
why is there no answer?
why is it always a goodbye?
why is it always a sorry?

i know why it never leaves because it's here to stay this feeling it haunts me forever.
i know why it never goes away because it's meant to make me stronger but all it does is make me weak.

why there is the no answer? why why why why?
just leaving me questioning in sorrows on the other side.

why is it always goodbye? why why why why?
it doesn't ever have to be this way, you don't have to leave me, you came into my life why did you have to leave? you leave to come back then you come back to leave me again, i can't imagine how much worse it's going to be the next time around, why can't you just stick around for as long as you can?

what can i do to keep you forever, i don't want to just keep you in my heart forever, i want you in my presence where i can see you and hold you because that's the most worth living moment of my day, just being able to smile, being able to be in your arms and being able to say that is the safest place and the place that i feel the most comfort and loved, and when that feeling was taking away no other person could replace that feeling you gave me...

and that feeling of pain? well it just never goes away, it's been a week and that pain it still sits there it haunts me everyday...it makes me soo scared of knowing i could just lose you out of nowhere again, i've been doing everything i possibly can to keep you right beside me but for some reason it feels as if i'm pushing you away, it feels as if that feeling is to be blamed on me, i can't help but question what i did to make it this way, but the things i would give for answers, for bringing back the time when it was just cloud nine, you and i, no one else, no one's opinions, no one to take it away from us...

and people blame you, why? it's not your fault you felt that way it's my fault i did something for it to be like this.
words can't express the way you make me feel, it feels like i've felt this way before or so i thought but the feeling now it's the most amazing feeling ever it just makes me soo happy but this fear all it does it crumble those feelings down to dirt and it feels like there's no seed in the dirt no water to pour in it to help me grow and to help me grow stronger and move on, yet when it's watered it helps me grow fonder of my feelings for you.

now all i need is for you to stick by my side for as long as you can because this feeling of amazement is all because of you.
this feeling of fear well it's all because of me and maybe just maybe having you in my life again is slowly helping it go away...but maybe when it's just about gone i may lose you again, i may lose it all, and that feeling of fear it will just stay there and never ever go away, we will never know.