I seriously don't know i'm that blank..........SOUNDWAVE TOMORROW!
heck yes getting out of here...hate this place and the people.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
the fear.
this fear.
it haunts me everyday, every hour, every minute, every second...every living moment.
it never escapes, i try to do things to distract myself from it to push it away the harder i push the further i go back, the further i go back, the more horrible the pain is, the more horrible the pain is, the more i get scared, the more i get scared, the more i get stressed, the more i get stressed, the more i get worried, the more i get worried, the more i just can't seem to understand.
i am living proof of the weaknesses of the human itself.
why does it never leave?
why does it never go away?
why does it make me weaker at the knees.
why is there no answer?
why is it always a goodbye?
why is it always a sorry?
i know why it never leaves because it's here to stay this feeling it haunts me forever.
i know why it never goes away because it's meant to make me stronger but all it does is make me weak.
why there is the no answer? why why why why?
just leaving me questioning in sorrows on the other side.
why is it always goodbye? why why why why?
it doesn't ever have to be this way, you don't have to leave me, you came into my life why did you have to leave? you leave to come back then you come back to leave me again, i can't imagine how much worse it's going to be the next time around, why can't you just stick around for as long as you can?
what can i do to keep you forever, i don't want to just keep you in my heart forever, i want you in my presence where i can see you and hold you because that's the most worth living moment of my day, just being able to smile, being able to be in your arms and being able to say that is the safest place and the place that i feel the most comfort and loved, and when that feeling was taking away no other person could replace that feeling you gave me...
and that feeling of pain? well it just never goes away, it's been a week and that pain it still sits there it haunts me everyday...it makes me soo scared of knowing i could just lose you out of nowhere again, i've been doing everything i possibly can to keep you right beside me but for some reason it feels as if i'm pushing you away, it feels as if that feeling is to be blamed on me, i can't help but question what i did to make it this way, but the things i would give for answers, for bringing back the time when it was just cloud nine, you and i, no one else, no one's opinions, no one to take it away from us...
and people blame you, why? it's not your fault you felt that way it's my fault i did something for it to be like this.
words can't express the way you make me feel, it feels like i've felt this way before or so i thought but the feeling now it's the most amazing feeling ever it just makes me soo happy but this fear all it does it crumble those feelings down to dirt and it feels like there's no seed in the dirt no water to pour in it to help me grow and to help me grow stronger and move on, yet when it's watered it helps me grow fonder of my feelings for you.
now all i need is for you to stick by my side for as long as you can because this feeling of amazement is all because of you.
this feeling of fear well it's all because of me and maybe just maybe having you in my life again is slowly helping it go away...but maybe when it's just about gone i may lose you again, i may lose it all, and that feeling of fear it will just stay there and never ever go away, we will never know.
it haunts me everyday, every hour, every minute, every second...every living moment.
it never escapes, i try to do things to distract myself from it to push it away the harder i push the further i go back, the further i go back, the more horrible the pain is, the more horrible the pain is, the more i get scared, the more i get scared, the more i get stressed, the more i get stressed, the more i get worried, the more i get worried, the more i just can't seem to understand.
i am living proof of the weaknesses of the human itself.
why does it never leave?
why does it never go away?
why does it make me weaker at the knees.
why is there no answer?
why is it always a goodbye?
why is it always a sorry?
i know why it never leaves because it's here to stay this feeling it haunts me forever.
i know why it never goes away because it's meant to make me stronger but all it does is make me weak.
why there is the no answer? why why why why?
just leaving me questioning in sorrows on the other side.
why is it always goodbye? why why why why?
it doesn't ever have to be this way, you don't have to leave me, you came into my life why did you have to leave? you leave to come back then you come back to leave me again, i can't imagine how much worse it's going to be the next time around, why can't you just stick around for as long as you can?
what can i do to keep you forever, i don't want to just keep you in my heart forever, i want you in my presence where i can see you and hold you because that's the most worth living moment of my day, just being able to smile, being able to be in your arms and being able to say that is the safest place and the place that i feel the most comfort and loved, and when that feeling was taking away no other person could replace that feeling you gave me...
and that feeling of pain? well it just never goes away, it's been a week and that pain it still sits there it haunts me everyday...it makes me soo scared of knowing i could just lose you out of nowhere again, i've been doing everything i possibly can to keep you right beside me but for some reason it feels as if i'm pushing you away, it feels as if that feeling is to be blamed on me, i can't help but question what i did to make it this way, but the things i would give for answers, for bringing back the time when it was just cloud nine, you and i, no one else, no one's opinions, no one to take it away from us...
and people blame you, why? it's not your fault you felt that way it's my fault i did something for it to be like this.
words can't express the way you make me feel, it feels like i've felt this way before or so i thought but the feeling now it's the most amazing feeling ever it just makes me soo happy but this fear all it does it crumble those feelings down to dirt and it feels like there's no seed in the dirt no water to pour in it to help me grow and to help me grow stronger and move on, yet when it's watered it helps me grow fonder of my feelings for you.
now all i need is for you to stick by my side for as long as you can because this feeling of amazement is all because of you.
this feeling of fear well it's all because of me and maybe just maybe having you in my life again is slowly helping it go away...but maybe when it's just about gone i may lose you again, i may lose it all, and that feeling of fear it will just stay there and never ever go away, we will never know.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Wicked Wednesdays!
Day two of blogging; and going strong...well for now anyways, so today is Wednesday the 17 of February 2010.
I had the loveliest day today besides losing lack of motivation for anything to do with school work it was great i talked all legal class with the girls, bludged maths i was the only one to complete all exercises...yeah i know right talk about being a nerd speaking of maths i have to start on that assesment due friday...shit!
Anywho's buisness class was just a big fat pain in the butt so over it i don't even know why i picked it it's a stupid pointless subject and it just grr frustrates me i have no interest in it whatsoever you know if school didn't put all the good subjects in one line and the craps all in one and make us pick one crap from all the crap maybe we'd be learning something we enjoy but hey you know that like never happens....anyway maybe if we could drop it and get free periods but no that's not going to happen either...ahh! biggest relief just had my daily whinge now i feel better!
Anyways the best part of the day was finishing school at 12 and going to the Adelaide for lunch with my girls for Sarah's farewell going to miss you soo much babe! :( then went and did some Op-Shopping with them and oh my it was soo sucessful got the cutest little bags and purses etc ahh i love it and bargain pretty sure i found the most perfect bag for Soundwave :) something that's under the $20 mark is probably a miracle for me, then Daniel came and got me and i drove to Tuross ahh love driving felt soo confident doing it today.
Ahhh how crazy is this Soundwave is in 4 DAYS OH MY GOD! :) ahh i'm just so sick of un-organisation and people not telling me who's coming and who's not, got two spots in my car people are fighting for them i don't care anymore i'm going i'm getting there and i don't care if no one comes anymore it's just really frustrating! everything's giving me the shit's these days maybe it's PMS i don't know but i think that could be it....
I'm rambling and whinging in a blog i think i've gone insane...ahh but thinking about the afterparty for soundwave and hotel and shopping i'm going to be very very very broke.
My mission is to get my a day to remember shirt sign i don't think it's going to happen but i got my fingers crossed.
Ahh anyways i'm off sorry to the person reading this getting bored out of their mind or thinking "lele shut up, stop whinging" i'm sorry everyone gets annoyed of me doing it to them so i'm going to do it somewhere where i can have a freedom of speech.
I really hope my bub Kai get's better poor thing has something wrong with his neck all my love goes to you :) and i miss you very much.
Lele, over and out!
I had the loveliest day today besides losing lack of motivation for anything to do with school work it was great i talked all legal class with the girls, bludged maths i was the only one to complete all exercises...yeah i know right talk about being a nerd speaking of maths i have to start on that assesment due friday...shit!
Anywho's buisness class was just a big fat pain in the butt so over it i don't even know why i picked it it's a stupid pointless subject and it just grr frustrates me i have no interest in it whatsoever you know if school didn't put all the good subjects in one line and the craps all in one and make us pick one crap from all the crap maybe we'd be learning something we enjoy but hey you know that like never happens....anyway maybe if we could drop it and get free periods but no that's not going to happen either...ahh! biggest relief just had my daily whinge now i feel better!
Anyways the best part of the day was finishing school at 12 and going to the Adelaide for lunch with my girls for Sarah's farewell going to miss you soo much babe! :( then went and did some Op-Shopping with them and oh my it was soo sucessful got the cutest little bags and purses etc ahh i love it and bargain pretty sure i found the most perfect bag for Soundwave :) something that's under the $20 mark is probably a miracle for me, then Daniel came and got me and i drove to Tuross ahh love driving felt soo confident doing it today.
Ahhh how crazy is this Soundwave is in 4 DAYS OH MY GOD! :) ahh i'm just so sick of un-organisation and people not telling me who's coming and who's not, got two spots in my car people are fighting for them i don't care anymore i'm going i'm getting there and i don't care if no one comes anymore it's just really frustrating! everything's giving me the shit's these days maybe it's PMS i don't know but i think that could be it....
I'm rambling and whinging in a blog i think i've gone insane...ahh but thinking about the afterparty for soundwave and hotel and shopping i'm going to be very very very broke.
My mission is to get my a day to remember shirt sign i don't think it's going to happen but i got my fingers crossed.
Ahh anyways i'm off sorry to the person reading this getting bored out of their mind or thinking "lele shut up, stop whinging" i'm sorry everyone gets annoyed of me doing it to them so i'm going to do it somewhere where i can have a freedom of speech.
I really hope my bub Kai get's better poor thing has something wrong with his neck all my love goes to you :) and i miss you very much.
Lele, over and out!
and this is the begining of the end.
so this is my first ever blog, i always looked interested when i seen people with them but never got one myself till now wonder how long this will even last or if it's just one thing i sign up for and do it everyday for two weeks then turn to a day a week then a day a month then never...we will soon find out, let me recap on my last week.
Well today i finally got a day off school due to the floods that's happened around yeah hard to believe right Moruya got flooded insanely, i remember walking around school on Monday in practically knee deep water it was disgusting..Mrs Prow even took her shoe's off and glided through it even i didn't have the guts and soon after 5 minutes i've regreted walking in it with shoes on...and it's Tuesday night almost Wednesday and those shoes are still not dry...i remember shortly after having my usual whinge about everything about it, ringing my dad and asking him to pick me up but what do you know he's in the bay and cousins came and got me then the boys came home from school and Carroll was flooded also we just couldn't believe it i think i may put some photos up so you can see but the photo's don't even look that bad you just had to be there to see it and believe it.
Oh! Sunday, ahh yes Valentine's Day would you honestly believe i was NOT single this year well i wasn't last year either but it's not like my boyfriend even went through the effort to get me anything...anyways i had the loveliest valentine's day with my gorgeous boyfriend in Ulladulla the weather was shocking but it was drizziling down there and i went up to see him in his bodyboarding comp with Maddie and Daniel and sat on the beach with his mumma and watch him do all these 'hectic' spins etc won't go into it and embarass him he'll most likely read this and go 'wtf lele' yeah anyways so we walked down like Mount Everest no joke the flight of stairs at Rennie's beach omg it was going to be the death of me i swear...it was crazy! then had a lovely fat feed at Maccas ahh i must say Ulladulla Maccas is the best Maccas i've eaten in a very long time...Presents? well Kai got me the two most gorgeous pandora charms i'm absoloutely in love with them :) just as much so as him, aren't i just lucky?
Anna and i went on a fat flood adventure today all around Tuross everything's practically blocked and underwater it was nuts, roads we drive on are now like lakes and a poor dolphin got killed :( soo sad and we searched up all our Las Vegas & Bahamas accomodation think i fell in love we are going to the palms and atlantis! haha when we're millionare's but we'll get there...haha.
Had a mad little Mighty Boosh session at work with Moni then Abbie and Daniel came over and watched Old Greg hahaha oh dear "do you love me" "do you wanna love me?" hahaha priceless i looked up Stereosonic video's i'm in bloody love soo getting an i.d and soo going (L)
Ahhhh i can't believe it SOUNDWAVE IN 5 DAYS! ACTUALLY NO 4!!!!!! wow i'm soo god damn excited, getting away for the weekend with my girls and the boys sept i really wish Kai was coming it's just not going to be the same :( considering going to the after party chillin' with a day to remember and escape the fate sound's heaps appealing to me ;) ahh well 12.12am it is and i'm not tired but i am tired of typing glad i made this blog thing i can just ramble on about crap for hours and no one can say anything cause it's MY blog yay :)
this is it....this is reality...this is the begining of the end.
The Flood, yes dad being hell smart and driving in it...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
